Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
