You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
