The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
