Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
