Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
