It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize