Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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