That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
