foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
