You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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