So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
