From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
