proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
