the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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