My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
