Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
