My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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