Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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