maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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