This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
