Soap is not a condiment
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
