Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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