Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
