His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
