I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
