I'm so fucking centered right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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