i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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