Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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