Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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