I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
