Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
