I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
