Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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