Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
