The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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