You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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