bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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