God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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