How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
