I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
