i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
