he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
