It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
