My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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