There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize