He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize