Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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