Kiss
Puke
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
