You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
