My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
