I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
