Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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