Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Couch. On fire.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
