Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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