if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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