Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
