Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
