Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
