Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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