Define "chronic" masturbator.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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