She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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