is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
