I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
