Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
