I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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