I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
