maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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