I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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