I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
