lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
