What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
