Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
