It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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